So I need to start this off with an apology to you all. It’s been about 5 weeks since my last blog post. I typically do not go that long between posting. I just needed a little break from it all.
Things have been busy yes, it’s a crazy time of year, but this wasn’t the reason I couldn’t face writing my blog or posting on my social media. In fact being busy has been a good distraction from it all.
The all I’m referring to is that feeling. I’m sure you all know the one I mean. That overwhelming feeling of I’m not enough. It takes you by surprise. Just when you think you have nailed it and your the happiest you have ever been within yourself, out of nowhere it smacks you full on in the face and no matter what you do it won’t budge.
I haven’t felt comfortable in my own skin, I’ve been questioning everything, all the old insecurities came creeping back, it caused me anxiety and it all got just a bit to much. In my last blog post ’Summer Insecurities’ which you can find at the following link http://wix.to/7kDKCEU?ref=2_cl I talked about how I thought I was prepared to face these feelings and not let them win, but I was far to naive on just how hard that would actually be.
I have dreaded every summer for as long as I can remember, I have literally been fearful of putting on a swimming costume or wearing summer clothes and to overcome those feelings is so much harder than I thought. I’ve been working on this for almost a year now, I honestly thought I was there, that my body confidence was at the best it has ever been and I could enjoy my summer not caring, but it just goes to show these fears and body insecurities are ingrained so deep.
Why? Because diet culture decided one day that it was going to make people feel like this so they would buy into their rubbish, creating a society that is not only afraid of being over a certain size but that also criticise, judge and even bully those that are. Creating a fat phobic world where body shaming is hardly ever questioned and just accepted as the norm. When you look at it like that no wonder we have to work so hard and it takes so much to realise that actually you are enough not matter your body size.
I realise now after having some time out, that I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I need to focus on the why. It’s not my fault I feel like this, it is diet cultures fault. I’m not failing by having these feelings, in fact each time it all gets to much and I come out the other side I’m winning! I have got a long way to go, further than I thought and I may not be able to ignore the body shaming this summer as much as I had hoped and I don’t know when the day will come that I truly am rid of all negative thoughts against my own body but I’m feeling ready to face my insecurities head on again and for now that is enough. And I know you guys have got my back, I am not alone in this and for that I am so grateful.
As always thank you for reading! Stay safe and happy eating.