Updated: Apr 7
So big news, I got a job! I haven't worked for nearly a year. Like many of us, the pandemic got in the way of my last job and I had to stop working. I hadn't planned on going back to work until the kids were settled back at school and I had at least had the vaccine, but this job offer literally came up out of nowhere and I could not turn it down. They need me to start immediately, so Monday is my first day!
Now don't get me wrong I am very excited to have this job opportunity but after a year of being at home, this is a big change and as I'm sure I have said before I am not all that good at dealing with change especially when I'm not expecting it.
My initial reaction when I got the call was excitement but this quickly turned into complete panic! In one of my posts a couple of weeks ago I talked about my struggles with anxiety. I told you all how I couldn't be sure where my anxiety really was at the moment, (due to being at home for so long) and that I wouldn't know until it was time to start going out again, well after getting that call, I now know. As soon as I said yes to the job the doubt and anxiety kicked in. I got off the phone and spiralled! 'Why did I say yes?' 'I can't do this!!' I'm not good enough!!' 'How am I supposed to leave the house?' All of this and more was going through my head and the feeling of panic just got worse and worse. My husband is the one who normally talks me down when I'm like this but he had gone to do our weekly shop and by the time he got home I was in a right state and in full panic attack mode. Luckily the kids were upstairs playing in their rooms so they didn't have to see me! He managed to calm me down and the feeling of panic eventually passed as it always does but I was gutted I couldn't calm myself down. I've been working so hard on myself and my confidence that I thought I would be able to cope better with my anxiety but everything literally went out of the window and in that moment I forgot everything. To say I was disappointed with myself is an understatement. I had a choice at that point though, I could give in and let it beat me which is the easy option or I could fight back and take back control of my thoughts. I chose not to let it beat me and I refuse to let anxiety define the mind set I go into this job with. I am focusing on the positives remember! I am enough, I can do this or they would not have picked me for the job! I will not get there and panic or freeze! I should be proud of myself and I am! I've been listening to my confidence podcasts, I am ready to walk in there and smash it!
Now there was just one other thing that I had to get my head round before I started. It dawned on me a couple of days after accepting the job. How do I eat intuitively if I'm not at home? I started intuitive eating during lockdown so I have always been able to eat when I am hungry and choose what I fancied at the time. How am I supposed to do that when I'm at work? What if I'm not hungry when I get a break but I am an hour later? Rather than guessing and ending up getting myself in a spin about it I googled it (actually there is probably a podcast I could find about it to, I'll have to look into that) and google says that when your working, if your an intuitive eater you should try and roughly plan your lunches for the week. I believe you do this based on knowing what foods sustain you and what foods you typically eat for lunch. It also said have plenty of snack choices and when you do get a break try and eat something especially if your not going to get to eat again for a while. This is called Practical Hunger and will apparently stop you over eating when you can eat. Someone else said to me try and have a sustainable breakfast so that you are set up for the day and don't end up going to work hungry. I do eat breakfast but usually a bit later in the morning, so I'm going to have to try and eat it earlier. My body clock is all messed up from lockdowns but I don't think it will take me long to adjust to eating earlier.
I've got this! I am pretty confident with these practices in place I will still be able to eat intuitively whilst working and it won't be as hard as I think its going to be. I will let you know how I get on, with the intuitive eating and the anxiety.
Thank you for reading, stay safe and happy eating.