So it was my sons birthday yesterday and the fact it fell on a weekday, would have up to about 3 months ago filled me with absolute dread! Literally my thoughts would have been monopolised with OMG there will be birthday cake and other treats that I am going to have to eat because I can only eat them on special occasions but it's a weekday and this is going to mess up my whole week! I am going to have too many treat days in one week! I'm most definitely going to put on weight! I'll miss my target! It is the end of the actual world! Wow, that's pretty depressing. It's pretty sad to think that this is what I was most concerned about when I should have just been focusing on enjoying myself.
Well not anymore! No negative thoughts were coming to this party (I say party but we are in lockdown so it was only the four of us and the dog) but there was birthday cake and I was definitely going to be tucking into a slice of that without the guilt because I love cake!
Or so I thought! When the time for cake came something strange happened! I DIDN'T WANT ANY! Believe me, I was as shocked as you are. I was peckish but it wasn't for cake. I was doing the whole thinking about how it would taste, how I would feel after I had eaten it and I was like no, cake is not what I want at this moment! And then (and this could be the most shocking bit of all, especially for those who know me well) I started realising that maybe I don't love cake as much as I thought! I know right, mind blown!! Everyone close your mouths and don't panic, there will still be cake if you come to mine for a special occasion or even just a cuppa (when we finally can see other people again) but I may not be eating it.
Turns out giving myself permission to have cake whenever I want has made it way less appealing. Oh god I hope this doesn't happen with chocolate or worse still cheese. I don't think I'm ready for that!
I might have some cake later, it's waiting for me in the fridge when or if I do fancy it. Cake has never lasted more than 2 minutes in my house so this feels all very strange but at the same time what a bloody amazing feeling! I'm actually learning to trust myself and to listen to what my body needs! At that moment it wasn't sugar, so I didn't just eat the cake for the sake of it like I would have done before and I'm not ashamed to say I'm so proud of myself for that!
Thank you for reading, stay safe and happy eating!