First of all I can not believe I am writing my 10th post and you guys are still reading it! Thank you so much for your continued support, I really appreciate it! Writing this blog has been extremely therapeutic for me and I love that it is also helping some of you on your journey! All I wanted to achieve from this was to let others know they are not alone, we are in this together and I think, that is what you are all getting from this, which makes me so happy!
Writing my last post, talking about how far I have come with my relationship with food, got me thinking about where I now am overall, both mentally and physically. I started thinking how much of a change in me has there been, compared to where I was when I started my IE journey nearly 6 months ago now. I've always been honest with the fact that when I started IE I had major reservations and I could not see me sticking to it. Little did I know how much it was actually going to change my life and I'm only 6 months in!
I've made no secret of the fact that I have had major body issues for years but one thing I have not really touched on is I also suffer with anxiety. I'm on medication for it and I use all the techniques but having anxiety I believe has always fuelled the hate I've felt towards the way I look, or has hating my body fuelled the anxiety? I guess its just a vicious cycle and they feed off each other, either way when I started on this journey, mentally, I was not in a good place at all. That's probably part of the reason why I had reservations about IE. I was going to have to work to achieve it, come out of my comfort zone and at the time I don't think I felt mentally strong enough to achieve or change anything. I knew I wanted things to change but I didn't truly know how the hell I was going to find the strength to do it.
Looking back I can't tell you the moment when I realised that this was what I needed to do, or the moment I realised I did have the strength to make the change. All I know is I started listening to 'A Practical Guide To Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch & Evelyn Tribole' as an audio book and with every chapter I listened to and exercise I followed, it all started making sense. Mentally bit by bit I guess I must have started feeling stronger. With that, without realising it, I became happier. The periods of feeling low became less and less, my moods improved and I didn't feel so angry. It wasn’t until I sat and thought about things this week, that I even noticed their had been a real change. My daughter actually said to me a couple of days ago that I’m not so stressed and I seem much happier! My husband has commented a few times that I seem a lot calmer. If my family are noticing it to, then it must mean I’m not imagining it and I actually am in a much better place mentally.
I'm really hoping that being in a better place will have a positive impact on the anxiety. I won’t know for a while if it has. At the moment being in lockdown means I am constantly in my safe place and I don’t have to see people. The anxiety of dealing with everyday life has been taken away, along with the worry of what I believe people are saying and thinking about me, so until I start going out again and seeing people, I’m not going to know. As you know though I am working on my confidence, so by the time we are allowed out again I plan on being in an even better place than I am now! I’ve got a long way to go on my self love journey but now I feel stronger, that journey is becoming easier.
Physically I have also noticed a change. I have much more energy now than I ever had before! I would constantly feel tired. You know, the type of tired where you really don’t know how your going keep your eyes open while your at work, everything is major effort and bedtime feels like a lifetime away! I was on iron tablets (I still am but getting your iron levels checked at the mo is impossible) and I never had any get up and go. I could have literally stayed in bed all day regardless of how much sleep I had got the night before. Know I don’t feel that tiredness anymore! I'd felt like that for so long, I had just accepted that was how I was meant to feel and I just had to deal with it. Turns out that was not the case! I'm giving my body what it actually needs and the tiredness has gone! My skin is also loads better. I used to get spots on my back, they have disappeared! My hair seems much healthier to! Yes I may have put on a bit of weight but I honestly would say that I am the healthiest physically I have probably been for years!
I fully believe that physical health and mental health go hand in hand. You improve one and the other improves. For many years I could not see a way out and I just carried on living in a slump, never happy with myself! Intuitive Eating came along and changed all that. It has been a rocky road and I'm sure there will be more bumps along the way yet but I am definitely on the up. I believe I said this in my last post so I am sorry for repeating myself but I really believe that continuing on this path can surely mean things can only get better! If you are on this journey and you are struggling please just hang in there. I never imagined I could change and without realising it I have done just that. It's not an obvious change, it does not happen overnight, but stop and think about how far you have come in your IE journey and I'm sure there will be a change. Even if its just a little one celebrate it! Give yourself a massive pat on the back because you are fighting back and you are one step closer to finding the happiness that is waiting for you!
Thank you for reading, stay safe and happy eating!